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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?